We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
