I wish my penis had an off switch
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
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