The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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