Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
porn star boner night. come get it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
