I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
