there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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