hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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