Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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