Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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