I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
