Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
