We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
