she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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