Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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