im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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