he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
