he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
