so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
