I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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