i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
