Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
