goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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