Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
