Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
