i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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