One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
