Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
