It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
