i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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