He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
