Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize