I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
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