allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize