Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
