does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
