Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
and she was petting her beer can
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
