"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
