If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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