she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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