I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
