I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
