we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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