We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
