Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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