So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
