The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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