Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
