I smell stomach acid.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Send help, water and tortillas.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
