i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
