My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
