WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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