I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
