In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Randomize
