If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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