i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
