respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
