I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
