Only a mothe r could love this liver
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize