did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
