you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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