One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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