wat bout pragnant strippers??
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
