dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
