she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
