Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
