um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
