last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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