For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
