We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
